Everyone’s buzzing about this great new movement to save the insects, and I’m just sitting here on the front step wondering if my house can be saved.

Typically, they’re all internet babies who can’t live without the latest thing to cry about, so they have to jump behind a cause that makes no sense. What do they call it? I don’t know, it has some massive name that I can’t be bothered to look up…basically, it’s a whole load of tosh. Save the bugs! Save the planet!

Okay, but could you just leave the termites to be exterminated? They really don’t help in any way. I’ve called the termite control. Frankston is near the sea, the agent said. Shouldn’t have any of the normal problems, the agent said! Maybe they’re sea termites, what do I know? All I know is that they’ve gotten underneath the wood pylons underneath the house, and now the thing that’s supposed to protect the place in case of a flood could send it toppling down.

And I sit here reading the headlines on my phone about idiots protesting that termites need protection by the constitution. Uh, no, they need to GO. I really appreciate pest control services, especially when they say they’ll be here within the day. I’ll have to tell the husband when he gets home…it’s not like there’s anything we could’ve done. They asked over the phone if we had a log fire or a messy garden, and obviously we don’t have either. It’s just a random freak of nature that those little demons are chewing on the foundations.

Still, I think we got to it quick. Vicky next door had termites last summer and she said she just called in some pest control people from Sorrento, sorted it out pronto. Now they’re in Frankston, so that’s even better. I just hope those sign-wielding freaks don’t tag along…

-Nat