It’s strange that I’m not more affected by the passing of my brother. I’m told it will sink in with time but I think that I might be in shock. I have not been good at dealing with heartache in my life, I tend to emotionally shut down when bad things happen. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it seems like that’s what I’ve been doing. Even trying to talk with the funeral home was difficult for me, I avoided it for days. I’ve tried to be practical about this whole thing.  As soon as I found out my brother had passed, I went outside of the hospital and I called up the funeral home. Perth isn’t far from where I live so I took the ute into town to tell my parents. They took the news much worse than I had expected. I told them that I would take care of all the arrangements in order for them to grieve in peace. I really didn’t want to give the eulogy, I gave my notes to the Perth based funeral director. I knew he would do a better job than I could. I knew that eventually the gravity of his passing would weigh down on me, it was only a matter of time. I might ask the funeral director to put some personal items in his coffin or something.

My mother could tell that I was having trouble coming to terms with the sudden passing of the only family that I have ever been close with. My relationship with my parents has always been strained, they don’t agree with my lifestyle choices and as such will never fully accept me. The loss of my brother has made me feel truly alone in this world. I feel so of touch with reality because of this tragedy. I really don’t want to be alone right now, I’m going to drown my sorrows at the nearest brewery.