Hello and welcome to Melbourne’s Annual Drain Unblocking Competition, where house-husbands come from everywhere to show off their drain unblocking skills! I’m Sue Ridge, and I’m here today with Shannon Gardiner, who we, unfortunately, couldn’t come up with a stage name for at such late notice. We’re the backup commentators you see, but we hope that this year’s competition is so exciting that we’ll be kept on next year! How are you today Shannon?

Yeah, I’m great thanks, Sue! I’m excited for another Annual Drain Unblocking Competition. I’ve always been a big fan, in fact, you can see me in the background of last year’s competition cheering on the extremely attractive house-husbands! Oh, I just can’t help myself, Sue! When the winner tackled those blocked drains in Preston last year, I almost lost control. It’s an honour to be commentating on the event today.

Control yourself, Shannon! We want to keep our spot as commentators – objectifying the talent is going to get us kicked off the show faster than we can say ‘drain plumber.’ 

Of course, of course. That’s enough from me, Sue. What do you think of our contestants today? 

I think they’re great, Shannon! I’m especially impressed with Darren. He looks like he does drain camera inspections around the Melbourne area just for fun. He obviously isn’t a qualified plumber as they’re not allowed to enter the competition, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he had dabbled secretly on the side. If I was allowed to bet on this competition, he would be my number one pick. 

That’s a big call, Sue! I think my favourite is Heath. Aside from the fact that he is visually the most appealing, I think he’s the underdog that everyone should look out for. Why do I think he’s the underdog, you ask? Just look at him. 

Come on, Shannon! We’re going to be taken off the air before the competition even kicks off. Let’s go to an ad break. For all our listeners, I promise I’ll have Shannon in line upon our return.