Okay, it’s official: teenagers give me a headache. I used to think they were just slightly more mature kids- who I’m also not fond of- but actually, in many ways, they’re worse. Here I am trying to have a nice holiday when a couple of thirteen-year-old boys come flying down a narrow street on scooters, yelping like hooligans and tossing their rubbish behind them. It’s vile behaviour, and someone needs to really hammer it into them that it’s not okay. All I want is a nice, relaxing holiday with my girlfriend, and there are just kids and teenagers everywhere.

I didn’t pay for some luxury accommodation down in Lorne, just so a bunch of young people could come and mess it up. Gosh, I’m not even 25 yet and I sound like a grandpa…but maybe that really means that this is a problem. Maybe I’m just hypersensitive, but I asked Gabriel about it and it didn’t seem to bother her. She just said I was being oversensitive…okay, yeah, maybe. But there should be some kind of child-free option when it comes to picking a holiday. You can stay at a hotel for people eighteen and over, so no families. The whole place would be free of young people, so no worries about having to throw yourself out the way of rampaging youngsters as they tear through the place without any regard for anyone. Heck, you could get to sleep without them jumping in the pool at 3am. I could swear that was against hotel policy, but what would I know? I’m just a fogey old person who likes to sleep through the night. Look, I know this is a holiday location for everyone, but all I’m saying is that age-segregated hotels really aren’t a bad thing. Just look at the workplace. Totally age-segregated, and they’re much better for it. This is a strategy that works, people! Just a few Great Ocean Road hotels, not ALL of them…

-Ollie